


Some Kind of Disaster

by pennedbymazoji



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Developing Relationship, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Female Reader, Fluff and Smut, Not Canon Compliant, Professor Kink, Protective Remus Lupin, Reader-Insert, Remus Lupin Lives, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Romance, Slytherin Reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:07:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22839775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pennedbymazoji/pseuds/pennedbymazoji
Summary: Professor Lupin has captured your interest like no other professor at Hogwarts has. Your heart races when you're around him, and you frequently find yourself staring at him. It's just an innocent crush on your professor, right? You have no chance with him.You have no chance with him, right?**ABANDONED AS OF 8/16/20**
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Reader, Remus Lupin/You
Comments: 31
Kudos: 313





	1. Chapter 1

Snape’s eyes had caught the swish of your black cloak disappearing around the corner, that much you were sure of. He was incredibly observant, no detail escaping his notice, even in the darkness of the dungeons. Despite having been spotted, you didn’t turn back. Snape wasn’t one to punish one of his own, nonetheless a  _ prefect. _ You stood still for a few seconds before hearing his stealthy footsteps move in the opposite direction of your location. You pulled your cloak closer to your body, shivering slightly in the icy air of the dungeons. The fire and calming sounds of the lake in the Slytherin common room now seemed so appealing compared to the quiet and cold of the castle, but you’d already forsaken any hope of feeling content there tonight. Steeling your nerves, you began to climb the stairs.

Professor Lupin’s classroom wasn’t difficult to find, even in the darkness. Enough moonlight was streaming in through the windows for you to make out the shapes of the corridors, and you’d almost memorized the path by how many times you’d found yourself here over the first few months of the year. None of your previous Defense Against the Dark Arts professors held your attention quite like Professor Lupin did, and he always obliged your requests for extra practice and after-class visits to his office. A few times you had arrived at his office to find him in the company of Harry Potter, and you had to swallow the emerald-green jealousy that had risen in your throat. Thankfully, at night, you wouldn’t be interrupted. You fidgeted with your cloak for a moment more when you reached the door before pushing it open slowly.

The classroom was dark and empty, but warmer. A fire was crackling in Professor Lupin’s office, and the door was cracked. You sneaked up the stairs before peeking into his office. It, like the classroom, was empty. You slipped inside, careful to return the door to its original position. The fire continued to burn as you examined Professor Lupin’s belongings. You’d been in his office before, yes, but always with him present. It would have been impolite to snoop while he was hosting you, but you couldn’t deny yourself the nosy pleasure when he was nowhere to be found. You slowly rifled through the papers on his desk, hoping to find something that would give you more of a glimpse into his personal life- he surely had a wife. There was nothing to be found, not even a personal note, among the homework and lesson plans that rested on his desk. Huffing to yourself, you began examining the creatures and books along the stone walls. Many of the books were worn, the letters cracking and peeling along the spines. Many of his belongings seemed to be heavily used, even his robes, which were always tattered and ripped. You made a mental note to purchase something more heavy-duty for him around Christmastime. Your thoughts had turned to what color robes you might like to see him wearing, if you decided upon those as a gift, when the door of the classroom opened and two voices broke the quiet. 

You could make out Professor Lupin’s voice easy enough as you sunk into the shadows, not wanting the flickering light from the fire to reveal your location. There was another voice, a student by the quality of it, and somewhat familiar. 

“Harry, I-” 

You silently cursed as you caught the beginning of Professor Lupin’s next sentence. Of course, it was Harry Potter again. You had been so sure that Harry wouldn’t be in the way tonight, but you’d arrived to find the professor missing, and when he returned the Potter boy was with him. Though eavesdropping was normally one of your favorite pastimes, you found yourself tuning out the conversation as you sulked in the shadows. The fire seemed to be getting warmer, and you debated removing your cloak, but decided against it. You shuffled slightly further away from the flames, lamenting in your own thoughts when you heard the door of the classroom open and close once more. You waited with bated breath to hear if Professor Lupin would begin ascending the stairs or if you were alone once more.

“I would have expected more from a prefect.” Professor Lupin’s voice rang out, echoing off the stone. He sounded amused, and you felt yourself involuntarily shiver. “Eavesdropping is considered rude, and I don’t seem to recall inviting you to my office tonight.”

“I wasn’t eavesdropping, Professor, I swear.” You put on your most innocent-sounding voice, pouting slightly as you exited his office. He was leaning up against the desk at the front of the classroom, staring up at your position from the top of the steps. You dramatically draped yourself on the banister, meeting his eyes with your own. “I recall you informing me that I was always welcome, but does that only apply to daylight hours?” He smirked slightly, and you relished the way his eyes seemed to quickly slip along your body before he met your eyes again.

“I often forget that you are a Slytherin.” He left his spot by his desk and began making his way to the stairs. You quickly repositioned yourself, hopping up so that you were sitting on the banister. Something indistinguishable sparked in his eyes before it was masked by calm as he made his way up the stairs to you. “Eavesdropping and snooping might as well be in your house traits.”

“I think your Gryffindor bias is showing, Professor Lupin,” you teased. He came to rest only two feet in front of you, leaning on the banister himself.

“Perhaps,” he chuckled, seemingly relaxed. “Still, you would do well to not wander the hallways at this time of night. I am not always so accommodating.”

“I know very well when to keep away from your office, Professor.” Your voice still carried a teasing tone, but you saw every muscle in his body freeze in an instant. His eyes turned cold, but you realized you had already broken the moment, backtracking now would do you no good. “My mother is a Wiccan. I keep track of the lunar cycles. You seem to fall ill conveniently close to the full moon. It’s also quite easy to spot when you’ve grown up with one your whole life.” He seemed to relax slightly at your last sentence.

“Who?” He questioned. You could still see the tenseness in your shoulders. You sighed and scooted closer to him. He shuffled away in response, and you tried to keep your face composed even as your heart and self-esteem took a blow.

“My brother.”

“Born or bitten?”

“Born,” you confirmed. “Graduated three years ago. My father is relatively gifted with potions. He owns a shop in Diagon Alley and my brother is lucky enough to work there. But my brother wasn’t the best with taking his potions if my parents didn’t remind him.” You unfastened the button around your throat and let your cloak fall away from your shoulders, revealing the deep green dress that you were wearing. Professor Lupin diverted his eyes for a second before coming to rest on your face with new intensity, very pointedly making an attempt not to look at the rest of your body. Your confidence swelled again as you slightly repositioned yourself so you could hike up your dress and show him the outside of your right thigh. His eyes flicked downward before being seemingly transfixed by the scarred bite mark that lived there. “He got me when I was three,” you clarified. “But I’ve never turned. While my brother was born with lycanthropy, I seem to be naturally immune. My father and a few doctors from St. Mungo’s have been testing my blood ever since, hoping to find some sort of cure.”

Silence fell around the two of you like a thick blanket of snow, but it didn’t feel cold. It was more of a pensive silence. You smoothed your dress back over your thigh before hopping down from the banister, electing to lean back against it in a position similar to that of Professor Lupin. He didn’t seem to be stopping himself from examining your form anymore, his eyes sweeping from your exposed shoulders, to your hips, and down your legs before back up to your face again. Basking in his open gaze, you knew he was observant enough to know just how much you were enjoying his attention. The silence was broken after a few minutes by the chiming of the bell.

“Midnight,” Professor Lupin mumbled, moving from his position against the banister and pushing the door to his office open wider. “Well, you might as well come in.” You smiled slightly before following him, taking a seat in front of his desk as he began busying himself in the corner. “Would you like tea? Butterbeer?”

“I wouldn’t say no to firewhiskey if you have it, Professor,” you purred. His gaze from earlier hadn’t left your mind and you couldn’t help but test the limits. Slytherins were nothing if not ambitious, and you were no exception. You delighted in the small shiver that ran down his spine. “If not, tea is fine, sir.” The clinking of glasses and bottles answered you as you relaxed more in your chair, tossing your hair over your shoulders so they would be more exposed. Professor Lupin turned around with two glasses and set them on his desk, pushing one over to you before taking his own seat. 

“You will be the death of me.” You giggled in response, taking a sip from your glass and relishing the burn that spread in your throat. He took a long drink before continuing. “What made you find your way to my office tonight? Are the Slytherin dormitories not so inviting?”

“I find them very inviting, Professor. They’re quite warm for being in the dungeons and the sounds of the lake are quite relaxing. However, that Malfoy is insufferable. He struts around the common room like it’s his castle, going on about how very generous his father is to Slytherin house. Even those in my own year treat him like a king.” You took another sip of Firewhiskey before continuing. “Tonight, he began retelling the story of his  _ tragic  _ encounter with that hippogriff and I couldn’t stand it anymore. Listening to his dull voice isn’t how I imagined spending my birthday.”

“Ah, yes, I’d almost forgotten.” A small smile played on his lips as he slid open one of his desk drawers.

“Another bar of chocolate, Professor?” A faint flush spread up his neck and over his cheeks, a heat that you felt gather in your own chest and smolder like the fire burning behind Professor Lupin. He did indeed pull out another bar of chocolate, but there was a small silver chain resting on top of the packaging. “Thank you,” you murmured as you accepted the bar and chain from him. Examining the chain further revealed that there was a small, clear charm attached that seemed to be filled with a white liquid that looked like melted opals. A small smile spread across your face as you slipped the necklace around your neck.

“A charm,” Professor Lupin clarified. “The potion inside will cause the charm to heat up in the presence of those who care about the wearer, while it will become icy in the presence of those who bear ill will.” The charm felt pleasantly warm against your skin, and you rationalized that it was due to being in Professor Lupin’s hand, rather than his affections towards you.

“Thank you, Professor.” You blushed slightly. Your eyes roamed over his face. He looked especially gorgeous in the warm light of the fire, and his eyes fixed intently on yours weren’t helping your racing heart to slow. There was a strand of hair that was falling in front of his forehead, and you itched to reach over and brush it back. You’d come up here with grand plans of finding out if you had a chance with Professor Lupin, but the firewhiskey didn’t seem to steel your nerves. Your hand twitched around your glass as you fought the impulse to touch him. Finishing the last of your firewhiskey, you broke eye contact and looked down at the floor. “Um, I think I should be heading back down to the dungeons, Professor. I  _ do _ have classes tomorrow.”

“I will walk you back down, incase you run into any of your other teachers.” He stood up quickly, and his eagerness seemed like rejection to you. You put on the cold and collected mask you often wore around some of the other Slytherins to mask your feelings, standing up from your chair as well.

The walk back down to the dungeons passed quickly, with neither of you speaking. You did cross paths with Snape, but he simply gave you a curt nod before walking past you. You finally stopped in front of the wall that opened into the common room. Without missing a beat, you gave the password. “Basilisk.” The wall melted away, revealing the entrance to the common room.

“Goodbye, Professor.” Your voice even sounded cold now. 

“Remus.”

“What?”

“My name is Remus.” With that, he turned around and walked away, leaving you to enter the common room and head up to your dormitory for bed.


	2. Chapter 2

A quick glance at the clock confirmed that there were only forty-five minutes left until double Potions. The sun seemed to be shining through the waters outside your window more ferociously than normal. You threw your arm over your eyes, debating if you were willing to get up now so you would be well-fed before class or if you could push off eating until lunchtime. The grumble in your stomach made the decision for you. You groaned as you quickly threw on your robes and put your hair up in a messy ponytail.  _ Damn Lupin.  _ With a couple liberal sprays of your perfume, you exited the common room and ascended the stairs to the Great Hall.

Waiting for you at the Slytherin table was Alex, the only person in your house that you ever felt truly comfortable with. You’d ridden on the Hogwarts Express together your first year and had both been sorted into Slytherin. He was a Muggle-born, so many of the other students sneered his direction and kept their distance. Pushing a plate of toast across the table, he gave you a small smile. “Late start?”

“Yeah,” you confirmed, quickly eating the toast you had been given. He looked on with amusement and a slight smirk.

“So.” His voice dropped so that no one else at the table could hear him. “How did it go last night?”

“I’m pathetic,” you whined after taking a sip of orange juice. “Potter ended up being there for a bit. I drank a glass of firewhiskey with him to help with my nerves, and he was looking at me when I got this overwhelming urge to brush his hair out of his face. I panicked and came back to the common room.” Embarrassment rose in your cheeks. “I’ve been flirting with him ever since the first lesson, he didn’t immediately kick me out when I showed up at his office in the middle of the night, and he gave me this.” The necklace glinted in the sunlight as you gestured towards it. “None of my other teachers have ever given me something for my birthday, nonetheless remembered it. All that and I run away the minute I feel like I’m getting too close.”

“You’re a horrible Slytherin,” Alex teased. “No determination! We should just move you to Hufflepuff.”

“Name one other student you know of that has successfully seduced a professor.” The Great Hall seemed quieter than normal as the words left your mouth, as if the students at the surrounding tables were intent on hearing the answer. Alex grinned conspiratorially. 

“Last night, Parkinson was telling anyone who would listen that Mariella Selwyn got with Snape back in October.” You almost choked on your juice, sputtering as your brain tried to process the information presented to you.

“I didn’t take him as the type. Or her, for that matter.” Hurriedly, you brushed the droplets of juice from the front of your robes. Your misfortune amused the blond-haired boy across from you, but you didn’t dare engage. It would only make his incoming retort that much more severe.

“If she can get with _Snape,_ the world’s least romantic man, you’re even more pathetic.” There it was.

“For Salazar’s sake, shut up before I curse your mouth closed.” You snapped, standing up from the table and grabbing your bag. “C’mon, we have Potions and even though Snape favors us he doesn’t like students showing up late.” He nodded, standing up as well, but his amused smile never left his face.

Alex obediently followed you as you scurried down to the dungeon. Upon opening the door, he turned around with an odd expression, something like gloating in his silvery-grey irises. Still fuming from breakfast, you shoved him forward. That gloating look now made sense.

Professor Lupin, clothed in grey robes, was silhouetted against the stone at the front of the classroom, not Professor Snape. 

Casting your eyes downwards, you dashed to the desk you shared with Alex. The tile wasn’t worthy of the rapt attention you were showering it with, but it was better than meeting Remus’s eyes that had haunted your dreams last night . You didn’t look up again until he cleared his throat at the front of the classroom. 

“Hello everyone,” he began, a genuine smile stretching across his scarred face. “Professor Snape is unable to teach today, so I will be covering his lesson today. Sadly, Professor Snape did not leave me any instructions on what to cover with you. Is anyone willing to inform me what you have been working on?” Alex’s hand shot up in the air like a rocket, and you side-eyed him. “Yes, Alex, thank you.”

“Sir, we’ve been working on more complex potions. Professor Snape had mentioned that we would be working on Veritaserum soon, but he’s been adamant that he won’t allow us to brew Amortentia, even though it might be on our exams. Since he’s not here, sir, do you think we could brew Amortentia this lesson?” The smug bastard winked at you as you busied your hands with flipping through your book. The rest of the class didn’t deserve to see you throttling him, though you would love to do nothing more.

“Amortentia, yes,” Professor Lupin mused, clearly entertained. “Well,” he clapped his hands together, “I certainly have no problem with you brewing Amortentia if it will help you on your exams. However, I must warn you not to attempt to smuggle any out of the classroom. Love potions can be extremely dangerous.” He paused as his eyes flitted across the faces in the classroom. A brief look of concern crossed his face when he saw your scowl, but he was quick to look away. “I will evaluate your progress and your finished potions at the end of the lesson. Off you go.”

Alex was quietly snickering as you gathered the ingredients.

“I’ll kill you,” you whispered as you set the ingredients on the shining black surface of your desk. “Slowly, in every way I know you fear.” Alex’s wand produced glowing flames under the cauldron as he didn’t afford you even the slightest glance.

“You won’t want to once the potion is complete,” he stated, measuring out the correct amount of moondew and pouring it into the slightly-smoking cauldron. Letting out a huff in response, you sprinkled powdered unicorn horn into the mixture. The liquid immediately turned a neon green, and you frowned as you consulted your book. An additional pinch transformed it to the pure white it was supposed to be.

“Why will this potion change anything?” Your eyes scanned the room, making sure that Remus was far enough away that he wouldn’t overhear. He was bent over Grace Nutley’s cauldron on the other side of the room. “I’m not about to slip him Amortentia in his pumpkin juice.”

“How is your father a potions master and you can’t piece it together?” He chided, shaking his head. “Amortentia smells of whatever attracts you the most. We finish the potion, get him over here to smell it. We’ll know his feelings toward you by lunchtime.” Your cheeks flushed in a mixture of indignation and humiliation.

“That’s brash coming from someone who couldn’t brew a Sleeping Draught to save their life,” you seethed. “Lucky we have someone at the table who could brew one by the age of five with their eyes closed.” 

“Don’t brag, it’s unbecoming,” he quipped, watching intently as the belladonna bloom he had dropped in slowly dissolved.

This hushed banter continued throughout most of the lesson, both of you making sure to fall silent whenever Professor Lupin passed you by. In what felt like a surprisingly short amount of time, you finished stirring and saw the characteristic spiraling smoke coming from a light pink liquid that shimmered in the light from the candles around the room.

“Professor, I think we did it!” Alex called, waving Remus over to your table. A panicked murmur rose from the other students, and you saw the Hufflepuff in front of you stir with renewed vigor. You must be the first to finish.

“Ah, let me see.” Remus leaned over your shoulder, the front of his cloak brushing against you. You suppressed the relieved sigh that threatened to escape your lungs at his closeness. His presence was instantly relaxing, and you silently cursed when you felt yourself instinctively leaning back toward him. He lowered himself further to look at your textbook, his chin barely brushing the top of your head. Alex’s smile had never been wider as Professor Lupin hummed slightly. “It certainly seems as though you have. Testing it would be highly unethical, but there is another way we can determine if you were successful.” You glanced up to find him looking at you intently. “What do you smell?”

“Uhm… I, uh,” you stammered while Alex stifled a laugh with his hand. Inhaling through your nose, you bent over the potion slightly. “I smell cedar wood, sage, dark chocolate, and firewhiskey.” Last night had a more profound effect than you had thought if firewhiskey was present. You shifted uncomfortably at this realization. Remus seemed to understand the implication as well, as he stood up straight rather quickly.

“And you, Alex?”

“I smell freshly-opened ink, mint, and the smell of old books,” he stated matter-of-factly. You grinned at him, knowing the ink and books most likely related to the Ravenclaw boy he hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off of since fifth year. Remus gave you a smile and moved to walk away, but Alex’s hand shot out and caught him by the sleeve. “Wait, professor. If you don’t mind, could you tell us what you smell?”

Remus paused before turning, eyes quickly darting between you and Alex. His face was carefully set, but an internal struggle reflected in his eyes. After a moment more, he relaxed and turned his attention to the still-smoking cauldron. His eyes drifted closed as he breathed in, and blinked open a second later.

“Chocolate, burning wood, the sea, and grapefruit,” he replied. You thought Alex’s wide grin would split his face in half. You moved to kick him under the table, but his mouth was open before you could command your muscles to complete the action.

“You’re probably just smelling her perfume, Professor,” he jerked his head towards you, “her perfume smells of grapefruit and she put quite a lot on this morning.” A strange look passed over Remus’s face before he quickly nodded and headed back to the front of the room. He didn’t look at you for the rest of the lesson, and sped back to his office as soon as the bell rang.

“You’re a right git, you know that?” You hissed as you gathered your belongings. Alex’s entire body screamed triumph.

“I know, I know,” he responded, observing you with excitement. “But now we know that he fancies you as well. Come on, it’s lunchtime and I’m hungry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter! I'm going to try and update at least once a week. You can also follow me on Twitter, @yeeclaw, as I'll tweet when this fic is updated.


	3. Chapter 3

After lunch, Alex began his trek up to Divination while you stayed behind in the Great Hall, weighing your options. Blessedly, Potions was your only class of the day, and you spent far too much time, after you were finished eating, examining the wood grain of the table, trying to decide if heading back down to the Slytherin common room to take a nap was your best course of action. You ultimately decided against giving in to your exhaustion, digging around your bag for some parchment and your quill.

_ Dear father, _

_ I hope this letter finds you well. I won’t be returning home for the winter holidays this year in preparation for my NEWTs, so there is no need to retrieve me from King’s Cross tomorrow. If it is not too much of an imposition, could you pick up a few things in Diagon Alley for me, as I will not be able to make it to do my Christmas shopping? I’d like to gift Alex a solar system diorama, as he’s taken quite an interest in Astronomy and Divination. I also need a pair of men’s robes, for someone about my brother’s size but two inches taller. Something dark grey or black that can stand up to heavy wear.  _

_ Alex would also like to thank you for the invitation to remain at our home this summer until after the World Cup. He’d be delighted to stay with us. He’s also offered his help around the shop; he does well enough with people but he’s rubbish at brewing.  _

_ All of my love to you and brother. _

Signing your letter, you hurried off to the Owlery.

“Artemis,” you cooed upon entering the stone room, beckoning your small, black owl down from the air. “Come here, I have a letter.” Artemis obediently swept down, coming to rest on the table in front of you and sticking her leg out obediently. “It’s for father.” She hooted in affirmation as you took a step back, taking to the air once more and exiting through the open window. You stared out after her for a few more moments. Outside of the castle, you felt clearer.

Deciding to take advantage of the lack of snow and milder temperatures, you spent some time wandering the grounds before finding a spot underneath a tree near the lake. Watching the Giant Squid’s tentacles create soft waves on the surface was calming, and the grounds were blissfully empty as most of the other students were busy still in classes or preparing to head home for the holidays. You desperately needed to relax and try to think through what had happened that morning.

You didn’t know if you could truly delude yourself into believing that Professor Lupin had only been smelling the perfume currently clinging to your body. Even if it was possible, that didn’t change the fact that you had smelled firewhiskey and chocolate: two things that, in your mind, were closely intertwined with Remus. You didn’t need Amortentia to confirm your feelings for him, but it made them feel more real. Tangible. Messier.

You wanted to believe that he had a wife. Knowing that he was claimed, you could have drowned your heart in the lake, the water rinsing away any hope you had. You could emerge the same as you had been before you met him. That was yet another false hope. If he was claimed, he would have told you. He wouldn’t have let your flirtation get this far. There was no ring on his finger. No hint of a life outside of Hogwarts.

He was also a werewolf. Those afflicted with lycanthropy weren’t lucky in love, often shunned to the outskirts of society. Even if his love interests weren’t aware of his condition, it would affect other factors of his life that would make it difficult to attract a partner. Yet here you were, hopelessly infatuated. You had wanted so badly to brush the hair from his forehead last night. You wanted to spend endless days in the future brushing that same hair back, kissing the scars on his cheek. You wanted to rub his shoulders the day after the full moon. You wanted to read to him from outside the door on the nights when he transformed. You wanted to be in the room with him when he transformed, soothing him through the aches and pains as his joints popped and bones rearranged.

No other crush, if you could even call it that, had felt like this. Every other romantic inclination had been, in at least some ways, strategic. The captain of Ravenclaw’s quidditch team. Fred Weasley. Other prefects, the Head Boy and Head Girl. They all would have benefited your social standing or gotten you closer to people you wanted to know. Remus, you knew, had nothing of the sort to offer. A life of social isolation, of judgement for not only his condition but your relationship. Snide comments. For him, you could bear it. You could take that burden off his shoulders, be a shield to the harshness of the world. You would take over your father’s shop as planned. Offer him stability, security, a place to come home to when the term was over. You could see your life together, like a movie behind your closed eyelids, what you could give him, what you could build together.

“It seems no matter where I go, my feet always lead me to you.” 

You registered a voice next to you and jerked forward, your eyes snapping open. The sky was much darker than you expected, the sun nearly set over the tops of the trees in the forest. You looked to your left to find Remus standing next to you, wrapped in a cloak and looking at you with something like fondness.

“I must have fallen asleep,” you murmured, still trying to force your consciousness fully into the waking world. It was easier on your mental state to ignore his comment. 

“Let me help you.” He offered you his hand, which you gladly took, and you pulled you to your feet. You swayed for a second, holding on to his arm for support as you gained your balance. Once you were steady, he quickly shrugged off his cloak and draped it over your shoulders. “You must be quite cold.”

You only then registered the temperature, and he was correct- you could feel yourself shivering. The disappearance of the sun had dropped the temperatures significantly during your nap. 

“What time is it?” You yawned, enjoying being enveloped in his scent too much to protest. Forcing down the urge to inhale directly from the fabric, you leaned down to grab your bag and wand.

“Just after dinner,” he clarified. “You weren’t at your house table and Alex asked me if I had seen you. Are you hungry?” You nodded, covering another yawn with your hand. You had some snacks from Honeydukes hidden in your trunk, and you weren’t a stranger to the kitchens. Remus appeared to focus for a moment before reciting the incantation for the Patronus charm. A silver wolf burst from the tip of his wand, running towards the castle. “I told the house elves to deliver food to my office,” he explained. “Sending messages is a little-known use for the Patronus charm. Come with me.”

“Alright,” you said as you offered him a small smile. With a confidence that almost knocked you down again, he grabbed your hand with his and began guiding you back towards the castle.

_ He was holding your hand. _ Fingers laced with yours, palms together. You passed Hagrid on his way out of the castle, and you expected Professor Lupin to quickly pull his hand from yours. As you braced yourself for the wave of rejection, Remus only greeted him happily and squeezed your hand tighter. Hagrid’s eyes flickered down to take in the sight, but a small smile appeared on his lips as he greeted you instead of a scowl. 

Even entering the castle did not deter Remus as he guided you up to his office, his thumb rubbing small circles on the back of your hand. You’d barely gotten through the door to his classroom when you were nearly tackled by a mass of black robes and blond hair.

“Oh, thank God,” Alex whined, gripping on to you. “I’m sorry Professor Lupin, I came up here to tell you that she wasn’t in the common room or the dorms, but you weren’t here.”

“It’s quite alright Alex,” Professor Lupin assured your friend, granting him a small smile. “She was merely napping outside.”

“Let me know where you’re going next time,” Alex hissed in your ear as he released you. “I’ll see you in the common room.” He gave you a wink as he slipped past you and exited into the hallway. You itched to reach out for Remus’s hand again, but he was quickly walking away from you and up the stairs to his office. He seemed tenser now, and you sighed before following him.

Remus was bustling in the corner, but a variety of sandwiches were arranged on a platter that rested on his desk. The house elves must have worked very fast, as it couldn’t have taken you more than ten minutes to reach his office. He returned with two bottles of butterbeer and set one in front of you as he took his place on the other side of the desk.

“Alex seems to be very protective of you,” he commented as you quickly helped yourself to the food, too hungry to care about appearances. You nodded as you chewed.

“He’s my best friend,” you responded after taking a swig of your butterbeer. “We’ve been inseparable since our first year.” You met his eyes across the table, noting the harsher lines on his face. He’d been different ever since you entered his room…. your eyes widened in realization before you quickly regained your composure. “It’s a damn shame that he’s only interested in men,” you sighed with a teasing air to your voice. “He could have made me very happy.”

“Oh.” The ice in Remus’s composure melted almost instantly, and your suspicions were confirmed. He’d felt  _ jealous.  _ You smiled to yourself as he reached for the platter as well. “I was worried about you too.”

Following his admission, you ate in silence until most of the food had disappeared.

“So,” you started, shifting in your seat. He’d been worried about you- it was just another bullet point on the list of reasons that proved he cared about you, no matter how much you tried to deny it. “Are you going home for the holidays?”

“No.” Remus shook his head and looked down at his lap. “My condition-”

“Makes it hard to have a home,” you finished for him. Your brother was similar; there was an unspoken knowledge that he would never truly be able to leave home. “Hogwarts is your home now.”

“It always has been, even when I left.” He said, finally looking up to meet your eyes. “Your family must be excited for you to come home.” You gave him a small smile, flashing your teeth.

“No, I’m not heading home.” An invisible pressure on the back of your neck was coaxing you to look down, look away from his ocean blue eyes, but you fought with all your might to maintain the contact. “It’s my last year at Hogwarts… I don’t think I’m ready to leave yet. And I have other reasons for wanting to stay here,” you finished evasively, finally glancing away.

“I have other reasons to stay here too.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this chapter is kind of short! There is smut coming up next, and I'm struggling a lot with it, so I'm putting out what I have right now. I will try to update more often.

Nothing else had happened that night. You’d shared a fairly benign conversation before heading down to the dungeons, hoping to talk to Alex for a bit before he left the next morning. Thankfully, he was still awake when you returned just before midnight. You’d found him sprawled out on one of the green velvet couches in front of the fire, nose buried in an old DADA textbook.

“I didn’t realize your knowledge had regressed so much that you would be joining the third-years for exams,” you teased, shoving his feet out of the way so that you could sit down. He frowned, slowly folding down the corner of the page to mark his place before snapping the book closed and sitting up to look at you. He regarded you silently for a minute before turning and flopping down, placing his head in your lap.

“I overheard Malfoy tonight,” he explained, seemingly exasperated. “He was telling Verger that a few weeks ago, Snape took over their DADA class for a day. He threw out the schedule they were on and did an entire lesson on werewolves.” You paled, looking away from his eyes. “D’you think there’s another werewolf as a student?”

“I don’t know,” you breathed, calming yourself. He’d asked about a student. You didn’t have to lie to protect Remus. “I don’t think so, I would have noticed.” Alex looked thoughtful, brushing his blond hair back from his forehead as his eyes scanned the stone ceiling for cracks.

“The only thing I can’t understand,” he began slowly, “is that Malfoy said Snape also talked about mates. We never learned about them, and they aren’t in the book.” He gestured to his old textbook, laying forgotten on the floor. “Do you know anything about them?”

“Not much,” you admitted. “He must have been playing a joke on them. No one is sure if they are real or not. If they are, they’re extremely rare.”

“Shame that bite didn’t turn you,” Alex teased, but you felt your stomach flip anyway. “Maybe Lupin would be your mate. If they’re not even real, how does Snape know about them?”

“There’s a few stories from old wizarding mythology that state some werewolves have mates,” you explained, “ or certain people that they are biologically, emotionally, and magically suited for. They can’t control who their mate is, but they can choose to avoid them, even though it was said that it causes severe psychological distress. A lot of the myths about mates are negative, since a lot of people weren’t fond of the idea of being involved with a werewolf. It was often a forced marriage because mates are the only people able to communicate with their werewolves without the aid of Wolfsbane.” You looked down as you finished, but Alex’s eyes were closed and his mouth was hanging slightly open. Sighing, you delicately moved his head from your lap and stood up. It was fairly late, after all. You couldn’t blame him for falling asleep. 

Alex, as well as almost every other Slytherin, left after breakfast the next morning. There was only you and a second year boy left at the Slytherin table. You glanced up the head table, briefly making eye contact with Remus before he hurriedly looked away to continue his conversation with Professor Mcgonagall. If you were correct in tracking the cycle of the moon, and you knew you were, there were two more nights left until the full moon. At this point, your brother normally began looking pale and shaky, trembling in the face of the wolf within him. But Remus… he looked almost radiant. His light-brown hair glinted like spun gold in the light of the sun, his deep-blue eyes gleamed like sapphires… he looked more gorgeous than you had noticed before. He also seemed to carry himself today with an easy confidence, his shoulders no longer hunched inwards, unapologetically taking up more space. Even the slightest movement was made with a controlled strength and grace that you hadn’t noticed in him before.

Your trance was interrupted by Artemis swooping down from the ceiling and depositing a package in front of you. You exhaled, gathering the package in your arms and shooting one final glance at Remus, still absorbed in his conversation, before heading back down to the common room. Father must have gotten your letter relatively quickly and picked up your requested items before leaving Diagon Alley for the day, which you were grateful for. You thankfully had a few Zonko’s products for your brother and some Honeydukes chocolate to send to your father when the time came, but you’d neglected to think of anyone else outside of your immediate family before yesterday. 

Making your way back to the quiet and stillness of the Slytherin common room, you threw yourself down at a table near one of the enchanted windows that looked out into the depths of the lake. After wrapping the gifts for Alex and Remus and stashing them in your dormitory, the rest of the day passed in a blur of studying. Despite your urges to put away your books and make your way up to Remus’s office, you forced yourself to continue reviewing Transfiguration until your head screamed in pain as a protest. The way he’d looked this morning… you didn’t think you could handle seeing him like that, alone in his office, without tossing any inhibitions you had to the side and throwing yourself at his feet. Even dinner in the Great Hall had been difficult. You’d kept yourself immersed in note-taking, but every cell, every atom, in your body wanted you to look at him, openly stare and take in everything about him.

You’d always found Remus attractive, but it had never felt this intense. It was like magnetism, the way your body called for him now. It took conscious effort to keep your feet from moving you of their own accord to his office door. Yet, you still didn’t understand  _ why  _ you felt this way. The moon had never affected you before, so you doubted that it was influencing you now. Perhaps it was influencing Remus, but you’d never seen proximity to the moon do anything but hurt and sicken your brother. Accepting that you weren’t going to be able to get any productive studying done with your thoughts so preoccupied, you packed your stuff away earlier than you had hoped and went to bed, only to be further tormented in your dreams.

When you finally got to breakfast late the next morning, Professor Lupin was, thankfully, not at the head table. The haphazard placement of the plates and goblet at his normal spot told you that he had attended breakfast and left. You weren’t too upset about the idea of missing him- you didn’t want to test your self control so early in the morning, when your defenses were considerably weakened by hunger and sleep.

The morning passed by in a daze. You missed Alex and his antics, which kept you entertained and in the present moment. Unable to exert enough mental energy to study for your own classes, you settled for helping the remaining Slytherin second year with his homework. This lasted until just after lunch, when Snape swept into the common room with the signature flare of his black robes, a slightly smoking goblet held in his hands. With a pointed look from his dark eyes in your direction, you abandoned your spot near the fire to join him at the entrance.

“Can I help you, Professor?” You tried to keep your voice even and cool, so that your frustration at being interrupted wouldn’t seep through. Still, you felt yourself crossing your arms almost automatically, but the familiar look of distaste didn’t cross Snape’s face. He, instead, seemed amused.

“Can you deliver this potion to Professor Lupin?” Snape asked, smirking slightly while fixing you with a piercing gaze. “I am otherwise occupied at the present time, and this particular potion is… sensitive. I’m sure you recognize it.” You peered at the swirling blue concoction within the cup, but you would have been able to identify it by smell alone.

“Yes, sir.” You forced a smile while taking the goblet from his outstretched hand.

“It wouldn’t do you well to dawdle,” Snape continued. You shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. You felt some sense of bond with him, as he was the Head of your house, but the way he was looking at you made you feel as though he could see into your very mind. “You most likely understand what type of condition Lupin will be in, given the day, and it will not mix well with your current relationship. I recommend you deliver the potion and return to the common room at once.”

“Relationship?” You took on the most innocent tone you could muster. Were the other staff members really so aware of your crush? Had Hagrid told them about Remus holding your hand? “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean, sir. Professor Lupin is just my teacher.”

“Perhaps you don’t know.” Snape mused. “Pity it isn’t my place to tell you.” With that, he turned on his heel and left.

Shocked, you stood as still as a statue for a few seconds past the time his black cloak had whipped around the corner. You gave Mason a quick, hurried apology and goodbye before steeling your nerves and making your way up from the dungeons. 


	5. Chapter 5

You hesitated outside of Professor Lupin’s office, standing at the top of the steps in his classroom and shifting back and forth on your feet. The magnetism was back, even though you hadn’t laid your eyes on him yet. It was similar to the feeling of a Portkey, a hook in your stomach pulling you forward, pulling you toward him. You didn’t enjoy the sensation, it made you feel unmoored, out of control. Still, you didn’t really have a choice. You couldn’t avoid him. Taking one more deep breath, you knocked.

The door opened half a second later, almost like he had been waiting for you on the other side. 

“I-I have your Wolfsbane, Professor Lupin,” you stammered, unable to stop yourself from looking him up and down. You hadn’t seen him in Muggle clothes before, and you couldn’t help but appreciate the fact that they were much tighter-fitting than traditional robes. Your mouth felt dry as you drank in the way his shirt clung to his lithe figure. Still, despite his agile build, he looked  _ strong,  _ more than capable of holding you down and-

“Ah, yes, come in.” He stepped aside for you to enter his office, bringing you abruptly out of your thoughts. You entered, ducking to hide your blush from his eyes. You set the goblet on his desk, remaining frozen still as he circled you. After regarding you in silence for a moment, he downed the potion in one go, letting out a small noise at the bitter taste. He noticed your uncharacteristic shyness and stepped closer, so close that you could feel the heat radiating off his body. “Are you alright?”

“Y-yes,” you stammered, looking up into his eyes.

_ Oh, no. _

You instinctively backed away from the openly hungry look in Remus’s eyes. He only followed, keeping you within arm’s reach as he crowded you against the stone wall, pressing you into it while his gaze bore into you.

He tapped the wall behind you with his wand. You felt the wall part behind you and you instinctively stepped backwards, out of his grasp. He only followed you into this new room. Slowly, he stalked after you until he had you trapped in the corner. He looked almost scary like this: feral and ravenous. Upon taking another step back, you tripped and fell into a dark-grey wingback chair. You felt immobilized under his stare as he took a final step towards you and slowly dropped to his knees. 

His hands found your ankles and slowly slid up the back of your legs until he had reached your knees. “Is this what you want?” He asked in a breathy voice, licking his lips while looking up at your face. You could only let out a small whimper and nod. Smirking at your approval, he yanked you forward so that you were positioned on the very edge of the seat before spreading your legs and draping them over the sides of the chair. His lips immediately attached to your inner thigh, sucking bruises onto your skin and nipping your flesh as his mouth traveled closer to its destination. A moan managed to escape your lips as he pressed one final kiss to your clit over your black underwear, with a brief swipe of his tongue as a preview of what was to come.

“You smell  _ divine,”  _ he growled, pressing his nose to your mound and inhaling. Your legs trembled as you felt your wetness further leak out of you, dampening your panties. Remus’s hands found the waistband of them and, in a show of strength and dominance, ripped them from your body. The destroyed piece of fabric was quickly thrown over his shoulder. “You wouldn’t deny me a taste, would you love?”

“Oh, Merlin, please,” you whined, tipping your head back and covering your eyes with your hands. You were jerked forward by your tie; your head shot back up and your eyes opened. Remus let out another low growl, daring you to look away again.

“No.  _ Watch me.”  _ He licked into you like a man starving, the tip of his tongue circling your clit and causing you to squeal. You grabbed onto your open legs, keeping them spread, your fingertips pressing in hard enough to leave small bruises. Small, breathy moans escaped you as Remus lapped at your leaking wetness and circled his lips around your most sensitive spot, sucking lightly and flicking his tongue until your hips jerked against his mouth from over-stimulation. When he pulled away, sitting back on his heels, you openly wailed. “I know,” he murmured, pressing another kiss to your inner thigh, “but I want to be inside of you when you come. Stand up.”

“Yes,” you breathed, hurriedly complying as Remus rose in front of you and pulled his shirt over his head. Your hands explored his chest as he shed his own pants and underwear, standing bare before you. He was impressively large, and you impulsively reached out to take him in your hand. He caught your wrist, spinning away from you and sitting in the chair you had just vacated.

“Come here,” he ordered, and you obeyed, coming to stand in front of him. He grabbed at your hips roughly, spinning you to face away from him and pulling you down onto his lap. You placed your hands on his knees to balance yourself, allowing him to tilt your hips up so that he could tease your entrance with the head of his cock. “Do you still want this?”

“Please,” you moaned, shaking with the effort of keeping yourself still. You wanted nothing more than to sink down, taking him fully within you, but he’d made it crystal clear who was in charge. You kept yourself frozen in place until he finally slipped in, slowly lowering you onto his erection. His breath came in ragged pants from behind you, and you couldn’t stop yourself from whimpering at the near-painful stretch. 

“Does it hurt?” He questioned, stalling and letting you wiggle your hips in an attempt to find a better angle. You nodded, willing your muscles to relax. He released your waist, instead rubbing your back soothingly. “Take your time.” You lowered yourself another inch, gasping openly at the feeling of him almost impossibly deep within you. Another inch and your legs were trembling, your brain and body overwhelmed.

“I c-can’t,” you said, letting Remus pull you back to rest against his chest, his chin on your shoulder. “You’re t-too big. It’s too m-much.”

“You can take it,” he shushed you, one of his palms skimming down your chest and stomach. “Just relax.” He began rubbing small circles on your clit, humming appreciatively at how you cried out for him.

“Professor Lupin!”

He knew how to play your body like an instrument, effectively overwhelming you until he could thrust the last few inches of his erection into your warmth, your ass flush with his hips. You’d never felt so overwhelmingly full before, tears of pain and pleasure pricking at the corner of your eyes. He guided you to slowly ride him as you shook with sobs and full-body moans, every thrust hitting your sweet spot as he kept working your clit. It felt like it had only been seconds, but you were already embarrassingly close.

“So desperate for me,” Remus groaned, fucking into you harder. “You wanted me so bad, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” you cried. “I wanted you so bad, I still do,  _ please _ …”

“Good girl,” he praised. “You feel so good, wrapped around my cock.” His free hand moved up to wrap loosely around your throat, cutting off your blood flow just enough to make you slightly light-headed. “Are you going to come for me?”

“I’m close,” you admitted, the pleasure in your lower belly building and building with each stroke until it threatened to consume you entirely. Remus let out a small, satisfied sound as he worked his fingers faster, a small nip to the side of your neck all the stimulation you needed to tumble into your orgasm, clenching around his girth and moaning long and loud.

“That’s it, perfect,” Remus groaned, his own hips stalling as his release spilled into you, spurred on by your own completion. After a few seconds of catching his breath, Remus slipped out of you, stroking your hair as you groaned at the wetness that came flooding out after him. He easily gathered you in his arms, carrying you to the bed in the other corner of the room. Once you were under the covers, he pulled you close, stroking your hair reverently.

“I love you,” you whispered, forcing the words out before you could have time to regret them. Remus’s arms tightened around you suddenly, pressing you to him.

“I love you too,” he responded after a minute, his voice choked and watery. Concerned, you tried to extricate yourself from his grasp to see if he was crying, but he refused to let you go. After a minute, he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “I didn’t think that you could love me back.”

“Remus,” you sighed, burying your face in his neck and placing a kiss on his pulse. “I’ve loved you ever since that night I showed up at your office. Looking at you, silhouetted by the fire… I realized that I wanted nothing more than to be by your side.” You let out a low laugh. “You seemed so eager for me to leave, I thought you were rejecting me.” Remus also chuckled.

“I was afraid that if you stayed any longer, I would kiss you,” he explained, now calm with you in his bed and your arms wrapped around him. “Now, I am afraid that you have quite tired me out.”

“Rest then.” You snuggled closer to him, letting your eyes slip closed. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”


End file.
